During my not so long and not precisely fulfilled and well organised and active life, I found heartbreaks extremely useful. And by heartbreaks I mean all situations that happen to a random mid-twenties (oh how I lie.. late-twenties) girl that can upset her and/or make her shed a few tears, be it a real life breakup, imaginary life issues or just whatever I think or suppose or believe had hurt me, although it just might not be really the way I think it is. And these are all useful in giving a boost to my other, artistic, gentle self.
Whenever my feelings get hurt, or my emotional life fails, or just.. how to explain it.. I don't get a chance to show my feelings, I write or paint. Or scream out loud random Serbian swear words ( God, we have so many of these) to my own mirror reflection. Not so creative, must admit, but refreshing and liberating it surely is.
And I find it surprising how calm I am while writing or painting, though moments before I was most likely freaking out, with a storm of unspoken inside me. ( Also storm of hits and bites and punches, with just a touch of clear and calm common sense that never ever manages to force me to count to 10 before I go crazy).
And then I grab my notebook and all the passion and anger just fade. I wish I could say they change their form from meaningless emotion into a written/painted masterpiece, but honestly they only make a mediocre prose or painting. But still they are good. Especially when compared to my 2 year old nephew's work of art.
Still it is all well. There is no improvement without practice, and no practice without inspiration. And no, I am not asking for more heartbreaks. I just found a way to use them.
Whenever my feelings get hurt, or my emotional life fails, or just.. how to explain it.. I don't get a chance to show my feelings, I write or paint. Or scream out loud random Serbian swear words ( God, we have so many of these) to my own mirror reflection. Not so creative, must admit, but refreshing and liberating it surely is.
And I find it surprising how calm I am while writing or painting, though moments before I was most likely freaking out, with a storm of unspoken inside me. ( Also storm of hits and bites and punches, with just a touch of clear and calm common sense that never ever manages to force me to count to 10 before I go crazy).
And then I grab my notebook and all the passion and anger just fade. I wish I could say they change their form from meaningless emotion into a written/painted masterpiece, but honestly they only make a mediocre prose or painting. But still they are good. Especially when compared to my 2 year old nephew's work of art.
Still it is all well. There is no improvement without practice, and no practice without inspiration. And no, I am not asking for more heartbreaks. I just found a way to use them.
Belgrade Time
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