Sleepy Yet, Brains?

.. Pineapples started to give me some weird rash around my mouth. Just needed that.. An allergy to my absolutely favourite food.  Fell asleep at 11 this night, woke up hour ago hungry like a wolf and having only pineapples on my mind, when I saw one in the kitchen.. My bro came home while I was asleep, brought one pineapple for me, thought of surprising me with my No. 1 breakfast.. Couldn't resist it. Now my face burns.

Seems all things I couldn't resist lately leave me with pain and scars and.. umm.. rash I guess. Literally and figuratively speaking.

That dude left an allergy as well. If you count rage, tears and self- hatred into an allergy. And deep despise towards entire male population of this planet. And shame.

Why him again? Have no clue. I guess because I never talk about him with anyone. And I just remembered him so.. Have to let it out of my system.

Or because I am supposed to sleep since I have so many important things to do tomorrow morning, and my brains decided they need no sleep. So OK then, let's think about some random stupid guy who decided to play a bit with your feelings and managed to turn you into a monster, that same monster you always hated, that stupid girl in love.

God I hate that kind.


You know, the independent, smart kind that all of a sudden manages to fall for an absolute waste of time, falling so low in the process that she forgets who she is, where she is, and how to behave. She switches to sweettalks, pinkish fantasies, displays her emotions like a mad dog released from a chain straight to the abuser's leg, she dreams and loves and gives and believes all lies... Ahh despicable!

Now am fine, thanks. But remembering it all, I felt so ashamed I cannot explain it. Blushing over my own stupidity, with mouth hurting after a delicious and painful dinner, here I am, trying to force myself to sleep, thinking how is it possible someone changes you in an instant, thanking him for being an ultimate asshole so I came back to being me, and damn mosquitoes buzzing around my head creating what they probably believe to be a perfect setting for my weird stream of thoughts.

I really, really need some sleep.

And knowing me, am done remembering him for next 4 or 5 months. Hopefully I can forgive myself by then and there will be no reaction at all next time I remember him. Best medicine ever? Time. And determination. I have both.

It's just that my brains are malfunctioning sometimes and make me suffer for no reason whatsoever. Should have returned them while I still had the chance and asked for new ones.. 

And the Oscar goes to...

Well, me.

Who else.

Whoever wrote my part for this wild Sci-Fi, horror, romantic comedy, tragedy and action mash up, did a great job in making it hard like hell.. But I can handle it all..


Some time ago I gave one of my private tutions students a homework titled 'My Oscar Awards Speech'. The boy loves movies, is very creative and I knew it would suit him. He probably spent hours and hours of his life dreaming about it already, so thought it would bring out the best of his creativity and imagination. And it did. It was the best short story I have ever read that was written by a teenager.

Few days ago, at work, bored with the everyday routine, I started to think what kind of speech would I write in the given situation. Though the speech is not for a movie but for a serial still airing, titled 'My Freakin' Life', it would go something like this:

' Dear all, I will not waste your time by talking about how honoured I am to be here tonight, how happy and lucky to have lasted for so long, blah blah.. since the list of people to thank is very long, so let me just get to the point right now.

I'd like to thank first myself for not breaking apart when it would have been perfectly understandable.
Then I wanna thank my dad for charisma, sense of humour, sarcasm and fantastic ability to hide feelings.
I will next thank my mum for great hair, terribly sensitive skin and gorgeous eyes I got from her.
I also wanna thank my grandma for my name, bad language, big boobs, inclination to obesity and for being the shortest offspring of my family after her.
I have to thank my grandpa too, for not giving me a single gene of Montenegro women, who are famous for their beauty, tallness and attitude. I really needed these, dude.. I would have been at a beauty pageant right now if you were not so scrimpy.
I have to thank my maternal grandparents as well for trying hard to spoil me when all the others tried to raise me a decent child. And for my uncle, the one man I can argue constantly for  hours without a break, and without any hard feelings. He did a great job in replacing my dad at that field.
Then I must thank my childhood friends for still being here though I mistreated them all during my worst crisis. And I have to thank my recent friends for accepting me with all my downfalls  making me happy just by being here and being true.
Not to forget the fake ones as well, they taught me not everything that shines is gold, and you can never be old and wise enough not to misjudge some people. Fuck ya all and have a great life!
I have to thank my brother too, for patiently putting up with all the beating and mistreating while he was still small, and for not killing me when he finally grew stronger and taller than me. And I will thank him and my sis in law together for giving me my nephew, my most precious belonging up to this very moment.
I have to mention my neighbours as well- thank you guys for always knowing what I do, what I should, could or have to do, where I am, with whom, what I need, think, want.. even better and in more detail than I do myself. Really appreciate all the thoroughness.
And I'd like to thank whomever is responsible for designating the entire complex world of feelings, attraction rules, love, infatuation and, ahem, whatever else. Seriously thanks for that crap. As if life was not a complicated role without all that stuff.
And to the dude in charge of karma, fate and such stuff.. Well screw you as well! If you had to bring the wrong men into my life, at least you could have given me a hint about whereabouts of the right one, so I can at least have hope such guy exists, and stop wasting time on low-lives. And if you could have given me all the hard and sad situations to put up with, wouldn't it be logical if a reward was to be met after a while? A small one, just to catch my breath? Thanks!
Aaanyhow... I made it up to here. I handled my role somehow up to now. Hopefully will continue to do so in future episodes as well.  Thank you for this reward, really am flattered. Cheers!