It finally happened few days ago. I finished my studies. All done, no more! And must admit I am still not completely aware of it.
Yeah, might not be such big a deal to all. But then again, to someone who failed at everything in life, to someone who never achieved anything without paying for it with rivers of sweat and tears, to someone who is a stupid whining lazyass.. This is an enormous achievement. A proof that good things do happen.
Don't get me wrong, I know life treats us all in different way and it cannot be a bed of roses to all. Also I am not complaining, I am just stating simple facts. And I probably feel happier after achieving this than people who had it all perfect all the time.
When we started studies, my school friend got an apartment. I lost my dad, my childhood, my innocence.
When she finished studies 4 years ago, she got car, a job and 15 days in Egypt from her family.
I almost fainted at the final exam 4 days ago. Got my mom's tears, a cake from my sis in law and a cup of coffee with my past that repeatedly tries to be my present and future.
Yep. Yet another guy.
He was my friend for a long time. That kind of friend that keeps on flirting with you and claims it was all a joke after you reject him. And he continues after a while. And so on. And so on.
I haven't seen him for 3 years. He moved away from our home town, got a job in Belgrade and rarely visited his folks. So I kinda.. forgot he existed. And yes I feel bad for saying this.
When the first member of our little 'gang' got married some 7 years ago, we were celebrating it drunk and me and another friend made a deal we have babies together if we are both single after 35. He got married some 4 years ago. And this guy.. The guy I met few days back.. He was like 'No way, you should not waste your genes on him. I am better looking, so we should have kids together. Just imagine them, with your brains and my looks, they will be perfect!' I laughed and said 'Ok, Ok, we will make a compromise. If we all are single by 35, I will have both your and his children. And think about it, he is ugly, at least I can do for his progeny is give them some brains, since yours will be successful even with just being good looking'...
And we all went our separate ways.
I sometimes meet others, but I completely lost him out of my sight. And then the Thursday comes..
I am walking towards my University building at 7 in morning, streets still sleeping and quiet and deprived of crowd.. And street car is coming from the opposite direction, being the only thing that spoils otherwise perfect silence. My exam starts at 9, but I arrived by night train so have to wait.. I am trying to figure out where I could go and have my morning coffee, my head is exploding since I haven't slept for a few days and haven't seen, smelled or tasted coffee for past 10 hours so am turning a bit aggressive as an addition to my common state of panic attacks, anxiety, nervous breakdowns and nausea prior to exams... And oh boy, you can imagine how serious this got thanks to the fact that I am about to take my final exam.
And the street car startles me with its siren. My aggressive self starts swearing in silence, and the tram stops right next to me, as if I was cursing out loud.. And the guy driving it jumps out and hugs me tight screaming HEYYY YOUUU! WTF man? Who th.. Oh MY GOD! Is that really you?? I haven't seen you for ages!
Ok, I admit Belgrade is not some huge metro, but out of 3 million people, I ran into him, so many years later, and just before my exam. Oh well.. Bring it on..
So we talk for a moment or two and agree we should meet after my exam, when his shift also ends, and have a cup of coffee. I am still in my 'danger!' mood, still I manage to utter I will 'call him as soon as I am out' and blah blah blah.. being perfectly aware I will not call him as I don't have his number and.. I am in no mood for small talks and I know it will end with him flirting with me and me saying 'No thanks' and all that same crap...
So he goes away and I walk on towards my destination, forgetting I even met him the moment I entered the building. I went upstairs to check once more the schedule (paranoid or what), and walked out to find a nice spot for my long awaited coffee wake-up. But all of a sudden I get this.. crazy urge to pee, so I went back in, back upstairs to the 3rd floor.. And it was already 8:10 somehow, so I decided to just stay there and wait...
Five minutes before my exam I get a text from an unknown number saying 'I hope I will bring you some luck. Call me after you have nailed it!'
So it's him. And where the hell did he get my cell number, he had the old one, not this one? Nevermind, there she comes carrying my destiny in her hands, saying 'Good morning!' so cheerfully it makes me want to puke all over the hall..
Just half an hour later I was done. And I am completely honest when I say I have no idea what happened during these 30 short minutes. All I know is, if someone had walked in and asked me about my name, I would have said it was 'Analysis'.
I somehow walked out, still not figuring out where I am and what happened, but my hand takes my cell out of the bag and dials a number.. ' All done here. Nailed it! When you finishing? 11? OK, meet you there at 11:15. See ya'
And so we had that coffee. And came to conclusions we are both same as we were few years ago, I am as gorgeous as always, he is as beautiful as I remember him, we are still immature, Oh, I had a long relationship that sucked all life out of me, 'Oh me too, and trust me I am done with that relationship crap, I cannot understand people who actually get married blah blah blah..'Just same things desperate single people with unsolved issues from the past would say to each other...
But he is not flirting with me in that childish, stupid manner he used to abuse for so many years, ever since we were 19 and drunk most of the time. We talk and talk for few hours, and we are really happy to see each other again.. Yes. I actually was glad to see him now. He did bring me luck, kinda...
So when will I see you again?
And I didn't just back down and make up some excuses, surprisingly.
'I am here on Monday again. So maybe then?'
-'Yup, perfect, same time then, but thank God you won't have an exam so no tension.. You seemed so angry this morning I regretted hugging you that same moment.'
So we meet again on Monday. Oh and we have a wedding to attend. The last member of our gang, my sweet ex-roommate is getting married next weekend. So we will go there as well, together, since all the other friends got husbands and wives to keep them company there. Now, are the two of us pathetic or all the others are.. Depends on your point of view.
And I am glad I got my friend back. Pure friend this time. No flirting involved. And the child deal? I guess we never even imagined we might really end up alone after 35. Now that we are almost 30, remembering that deal seems so scary.
Yeah, might not be such big a deal to all. But then again, to someone who failed at everything in life, to someone who never achieved anything without paying for it with rivers of sweat and tears, to someone who is a stupid whining lazyass.. This is an enormous achievement. A proof that good things do happen.
Don't get me wrong, I know life treats us all in different way and it cannot be a bed of roses to all. Also I am not complaining, I am just stating simple facts. And I probably feel happier after achieving this than people who had it all perfect all the time.
When we started studies, my school friend got an apartment. I lost my dad, my childhood, my innocence.
When she finished studies 4 years ago, she got car, a job and 15 days in Egypt from her family.
I almost fainted at the final exam 4 days ago. Got my mom's tears, a cake from my sis in law and a cup of coffee with my past that repeatedly tries to be my present and future.
Yep. Yet another guy.
He was my friend for a long time. That kind of friend that keeps on flirting with you and claims it was all a joke after you reject him. And he continues after a while. And so on. And so on.
I haven't seen him for 3 years. He moved away from our home town, got a job in Belgrade and rarely visited his folks. So I kinda.. forgot he existed. And yes I feel bad for saying this.
When the first member of our little 'gang' got married some 7 years ago, we were celebrating it drunk and me and another friend made a deal we have babies together if we are both single after 35. He got married some 4 years ago. And this guy.. The guy I met few days back.. He was like 'No way, you should not waste your genes on him. I am better looking, so we should have kids together. Just imagine them, with your brains and my looks, they will be perfect!' I laughed and said 'Ok, Ok, we will make a compromise. If we all are single by 35, I will have both your and his children. And think about it, he is ugly, at least I can do for his progeny is give them some brains, since yours will be successful even with just being good looking'...
And we all went our separate ways.
I sometimes meet others, but I completely lost him out of my sight. And then the Thursday comes..
I am walking towards my University building at 7 in morning, streets still sleeping and quiet and deprived of crowd.. And street car is coming from the opposite direction, being the only thing that spoils otherwise perfect silence. My exam starts at 9, but I arrived by night train so have to wait.. I am trying to figure out where I could go and have my morning coffee, my head is exploding since I haven't slept for a few days and haven't seen, smelled or tasted coffee for past 10 hours so am turning a bit aggressive as an addition to my common state of panic attacks, anxiety, nervous breakdowns and nausea prior to exams... And oh boy, you can imagine how serious this got thanks to the fact that I am about to take my final exam.
And the street car startles me with its siren. My aggressive self starts swearing in silence, and the tram stops right next to me, as if I was cursing out loud.. And the guy driving it jumps out and hugs me tight screaming HEYYY YOUUU! WTF man? Who th.. Oh MY GOD! Is that really you?? I haven't seen you for ages!
Ok, I admit Belgrade is not some huge metro, but out of 3 million people, I ran into him, so many years later, and just before my exam. Oh well.. Bring it on..
So we talk for a moment or two and agree we should meet after my exam, when his shift also ends, and have a cup of coffee. I am still in my 'danger!' mood, still I manage to utter I will 'call him as soon as I am out' and blah blah blah.. being perfectly aware I will not call him as I don't have his number and.. I am in no mood for small talks and I know it will end with him flirting with me and me saying 'No thanks' and all that same crap...
So he goes away and I walk on towards my destination, forgetting I even met him the moment I entered the building. I went upstairs to check once more the schedule (paranoid or what), and walked out to find a nice spot for my long awaited coffee wake-up. But all of a sudden I get this.. crazy urge to pee, so I went back in, back upstairs to the 3rd floor.. And it was already 8:10 somehow, so I decided to just stay there and wait...
Five minutes before my exam I get a text from an unknown number saying 'I hope I will bring you some luck. Call me after you have nailed it!'
So it's him. And where the hell did he get my cell number, he had the old one, not this one? Nevermind, there she comes carrying my destiny in her hands, saying 'Good morning!' so cheerfully it makes me want to puke all over the hall..
Just half an hour later I was done. And I am completely honest when I say I have no idea what happened during these 30 short minutes. All I know is, if someone had walked in and asked me about my name, I would have said it was 'Analysis'.
I somehow walked out, still not figuring out where I am and what happened, but my hand takes my cell out of the bag and dials a number.. ' All done here. Nailed it! When you finishing? 11? OK, meet you there at 11:15. See ya'
And so we had that coffee. And came to conclusions we are both same as we were few years ago, I am as gorgeous as always, he is as beautiful as I remember him, we are still immature, Oh, I had a long relationship that sucked all life out of me, 'Oh me too, and trust me I am done with that relationship crap, I cannot understand people who actually get married blah blah blah..'Just same things desperate single people with unsolved issues from the past would say to each other...
But he is not flirting with me in that childish, stupid manner he used to abuse for so many years, ever since we were 19 and drunk most of the time. We talk and talk for few hours, and we are really happy to see each other again.. Yes. I actually was glad to see him now. He did bring me luck, kinda...
So when will I see you again?
And I didn't just back down and make up some excuses, surprisingly.
'I am here on Monday again. So maybe then?'
-'Yup, perfect, same time then, but thank God you won't have an exam so no tension.. You seemed so angry this morning I regretted hugging you that same moment.'
So we meet again on Monday. Oh and we have a wedding to attend. The last member of our gang, my sweet ex-roommate is getting married next weekend. So we will go there as well, together, since all the other friends got husbands and wives to keep them company there. Now, are the two of us pathetic or all the others are.. Depends on your point of view.
And I am glad I got my friend back. Pure friend this time. No flirting involved. And the child deal? I guess we never even imagined we might really end up alone after 35. Now that we are almost 30, remembering that deal seems so scary.
Belgrade Time
0 comments:
Post a Comment